Relationships and Money

7 Financial Secrets You Should Share with Your Spouse

7 Financial Secrets You Should Share with Your Spouse

Everyone has secrets. However, when you join your life and your finances with someone, there has to be absolute trust. That means that you will have to share certain things about your financial history that you may not be particularly proud of. But if you want to build a secure life together, then you have to be transparent. You don’t want a marriage built on lies. So if you are harboring any of these financial secrets, you should share them with your spouse.

7 Financial Secrets You Should Share with Your Spouse

A  2018 study in the Journal of Financial Therapy revealed that 27% of Americans kept financial secrets from their partner. However, counselors will tell you that this kind of secrecy and financial infidelity can have catastrophic consequences. Although it is a difficult topic to broach, sharing your burden can reduce your financial stress and help you grow closer as a couple. So if you are having doubts about telling your partner, here are 7 financial secrets you should share with your spouse to build an honest relationship.

1. The Full Extent of your Debt

One thing that I have seen personally seen blow-up relationships is secret debt. Usually, this happens when one partner isn’t aware of the extent of the other’s overspending and credit card debt.

If you have high balances on multiple credit cards, it can push your finances and relationship to the breaking point. But, hiding the truth won’t improve the situation. And, it will impact your spouse too if you have to declare bankruptcy. While it may be a difficult conversation, it will allow you to work together toward a solution.

2. Salary Increases and Financial Windfalls

Although it may not seem as bad as hiding your debt, hiding your financial gains is also a sign of financial infidelity. If you don’t want to share the good news with your spouse, then you need to take a careful look at your feelings and relationship. Are you worried they won’t be happy for you or will resent your success? Are you afraid it will give them a free license to go on a spending spree? Or, is there something else that makes you want to keep them in the dark? Whatever the case, if you can’t celebrate your wins, it’s a red flag in any relationship.

3. Secret Bank Accounts

Unless you are in a situation involving financial abuse, you should never keep secret bank accounts. I’m not saying that you have to join your accounts. But, you should be able to have an honest conversation about your assets. My husband and I still have separate accounts. However, we are aware of them and how much money is in each one.

When your spouse finds out that you are hiding money, it will inevitably lead to hard questions and accusations. But, you can avoid this situation altogether by being honest and upfront about your financial situation.

4. Taking a Second Mortgage

This secret is problematic for several reasons. Not only does it put your home at risk, but it also adds an additional monthly payment to your bills. And, it usually comes with higher interest rates. Taking a second mortgage without telling your spouse will have long-term repercussions on your financial plans. It requires more than a slight budget adjustment and affects both partners in the relationship.

5. Large Purchases

It’s also wise to discuss large purchases and loans with your spouse before signing anything. Having these conversations will ensure that you are on the same page. It’s a big decision that often requires financing or high-interest loans that will take years or decades to pay off. Those who continue to make large purchases without consulting their partner will find that it affects their budget and their partner’s ability to trust them.

6. Late Payments

Accidents happen, and sometimes bills don’t get paid on time. However, this isn’t a secret you can hide forever. You will continue to get late notices, penalties, or disruption of service the longer you delay.

But, you can avoid further debt by telling your partner right away. While most people won’t be thrilled, it’s better to know sooner rather than later. Otherwise, any late payments on bills with your spouse’s name will affect their credit score and financial future.

7. Your Spending Habits

While this behavior is at the root of several financial secrets, it deserves a special designation as one of the most important financial secrets you should share with your spouse. Lying about your spending habits can have devastating effects on your financial planning.

Some of the worst examples of financial infidelity that I have witnessed include:

    • hiding purchases and receipts
    • lying about how much you spend on things
    • spending money on family and friends without discussing it
    • accruing more debt without them knowing
    • wiping out their savings without their partner’s knowledge

Unfortunately, you will never have an accurate gauge of your finances if you are not truthful about your spending. Plus, most people find it impossible to trust someone who constantly lies and hides things. Not only does it undermine your relationship, but you are also putting your financial future at risk.

A Relationship Built on Trust

My mom taught me an important lesson that applies to nearly every aspect of my life, including my finances: if you have to hide it or lie about it, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

However, we are all human, and make mistakes. Everyone struggles, but hiding the problem only makes it worse. Instead, sharing your burden can reduce your financial stress and improve the bond you have with your partner. Although it can be terrifying to face your finances and confide your worst financial errors, it is an important step in creating a relationship built on trust. If you are not willing to take the first step and disclose these types of secrets, it will have severe impacts on your relationship and long-term financial plans.

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The 5 Worst Types of Jobs for Your Relationship

 

Stress is a factor in any job. However, some careers are much more demanding and interfere with personal commitments. Even if you love what you do, an imbalance in your work and personal life could take a toll on your relationships. In the past, my husband and I both held demanding positions that required travel and long hours. So, there were times we became completely absorbed in our work and ignored the needs of our relationship. Luckily, we made some lifestyle and career changes before they consumed the relationship. Unfortunately, this isn’t always possible. Based on statistics compiled by LendingTree, these are the 5 worst types of jobs for your relationship.

 

The 5 Worst Types of Jobs for Your Relationship

 

Utilizing statistical data compiled by the U.S. Census Bureau American Community Survey, LendingTree put together a list of the job fields that have the highest divorce rates. According to their analysis, here are the 5 worst types of jobs for your relationship.

1. Military

A military position comes with inherent risks and stress for both service members and their families. Many are fully aware of the life they are choosing. But, it doesn’t make it easier to cope with these difficulties.

First of all, there is constant danger, and you never really know where they are or what life-threatening situations they may face. Then, you have the deployments and long tours of duty that can take people away from their loved ones for months or even years. Unfortunately, you have no choice but to continue on with life while they are away.

Don’t forget that reassignments also cause people to uproot and move frequently. It’s stressful for service men and women to pack up their lives and leave friends and family behind. The strain of finding new housing and coordinating the moves can be overwhelming. But, it’s even harder when spouses are on deployment or kids are involved.

Some people feel the benefits are worth the added stress. However, others feel differently, especially since newly enlisted personnel make around $20,000 a year. Not every relationship is strong enough to withstand these stressors which is why 3.09% of military marriages end in divorce.

2. Health Care

When you are dealing with matters of life, death, and people’s health, there’s no doubt that your job will be incredibly stressful at times. However, people often forget the long hours of studying and training it requires. And then, there is the financial pressure and accruing student loan debt as you complete your education.

For most people, the high salary eventually offsets the time and energy invested. But, health care is changing since the entire medical field has been turned upside down with the pandemic. In particular, the nursing staff has been hit hard with new demands. Staffing shortages have left many departments and hospitals shorthanded. This translates to longer hours and a heavier patient load, which adds more stress. Many healthcare providers are experiencing high levels of burnout and are choosing to leave the profession altogether.

According to divorce statistics, it is also one of the worst types of jobs for your relationship. There is a divorce rate of 2.65% for people in health care support.

3. Food Prep and Service

The food service industry is fast-paced and exciting, but it can also have grueling time demands. There are odd hours for several different positions including split shifts, nights, and weekends. This makes it hard to have a social life since it doesn’t coincide with the average work schedule.

Furthermore, food prep and service come with inconsistent wages. When you have a full house, you can earn hundreds of dollars in a single shift. But when things are slow, you may be scraping by to hit minimum wage. And, many people don’t understand that there is a loophole in the food service industry that allows employers to pay much less. Although the federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour, where I live, servers make a base pay of $2.13 an hour since they expect you to make up the difference can through tips. And, many restaurants also require staff to share tips with kitchen staff.

This can lead to financial struggles and additional strain on your relationship. Between the fluctuating hours and wages, it’s no wonder that people in the food prep and service industry experience a divorce rate of 2.49%.

4. Extraction

Extraction workers are those who work in the oil, gas, and mining industries. These jobs are very labor-intensive, but people who are willing to work hard and travel are well compensated. While this is good for your financial status, it can negatively affect your relationship status.

Similar to those in the military service, extraction workers often travel far from home and spend long periods away from their families and spouses. Those they left behind must continue to deal with the daily demands of their lives and families. There has also been less job security as job layoffs sweep across the industry. These uncertainties are an additional layer of stress and a large factor in the 2.47% divorce rate among extraction workers.

5. Protective Services

Those who work in protective services share many of the potential risks and dangers as those on active military duty. Although they are closer to home, they can still find themselves in dangerous or life-threatening situations. They often have to work long or overnight shifts as well. With that in mind, you can see how police officers, security guards, and firefighters have stressful jobs that can compound issues at home.

Salary can also be an issue since the median income for security guards is around $30,000. For some families, it becomes too much to bear. Therefore, workers within the field of protective services experience a divorce rate of 2.15%

Balancing the Demands of Your Job and Relationship

 

While these jobs report the highest divorce rate, that doesn’t mean your relationship will fail if you choose one of these careers. You can still have a happy and healthy relationship. But like all things worth having, it will take work.

    • Be aware of the stress factors and the toll it takes on your partner. Your job may be stressful, but sometimes it can be even worse for your partner. They have no control over the situation and usually have to adapt to your schedule. Be aware of the toll and strain it can add to your relationship.
    • Make time for each other. Be intentional about how you spend time together. Don’t answer work-related emails and texts at these times. Be present with your partner, and turn off the background noise of daily life for a few hours to be together.
    • Prioritize your relationship. Many people say their spouse is the most important person in their lives, but their actions speak otherwise. In addition to making time for each other, you also need to follow through with your promises and commitments. If you continue to neglect your partner’s and relationship’s needs, there may be nothing left to save.

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How Much Does a Divorce Cost?

A report by the U.S Census Bureau indicates that the average marriage only lasts eight years. If your marriage is ending, you will probably become anxious about the expense of getting divorced. The final cost of divorce is dependent on the choices you make as well as your family’s unique circumstances. It is almost impossible to predict the amount you will pay to facilitate the process without knowing the details. Below is a list of factors affecting the cost of a divorce.

Filing Fees

One of the first expenses the warring spouses encounter when filing for divorce is the filing fee. The amount varies depending on the chosen court but ranges between $100 and $500 in most cases. The cost is paid when filing the paperwork for divorce, and the spouse who files for divorce pays for it. If both spouses agree upon the divorce, they can split the cost to minimize the amount paid by each person upfront.

Alimony

If one spouse is entirely dependent on the other during the marriage, that spouse is sometimes awarded alimony. Alimony laws were introduced in Texas in 1997, and the original statutes remained unchanged until 2011. Permanent alimony is not common these days, but many spouses are required to provide support until their former spouses start a life for themselves and get back on their feet. Alimony is based on the needs of the non-working spouse as well as the income of the working spouse. Losing an income is devastating, and paying the money to your spouse and getting your life together after a divorce can sometimes be stressful. Both spouses can struggle with alimony and divorce issues.

Moving Expenses

Once the divorce process is through, one spouse will most likely move out. If it is you, you must come up with the money to facilitate these moving expenses. You may have to seek funds to pay for the down payment of a new home, deposits to have utilities in your new home turned on, and a deposit to rent a new home. Such expenses can be significant but cannot be avoided when divorce happens. If your spouse is the one moving out, you may find yourself responsible for various household payments and bills which can be financially challenging.

Property Division

Division of the property has a significant effect on the overall cost of divorce. At least 90% of individuals marry before they turn 50, and these young couples tend to go all-in when getting married and combine many of their assets, such as property. While you may not have to pay for the division of assets, you lose valuables worth a lot of money. Depending on how the divorce process goes, you may divide various expensive things if you disagree on who will get them. Such assets may include items such as a car or your home. Sometimes, you can pay your spouse for half of an expensive or significant investment, or you may be required to sell it and split the funds you made from the sale.

Child Support

If you or your spouse file for a divorce but have children together, you may be required to pay for child support. In most divorce cases, one spouse is awarded physical custody of the children. In contrast, the other is awarded visitation and must pay various child-raising costs. Such payments are based on the income of both spouses and are designed to be fair to each party. Paying to receive child support may have significant financial impacts, and you may take some time to get used to it, which necessitates rearranging your finances.

Bill Responsibilities

The division of assets also comes with the responsibility of paying the bills. If you are awarded the car or home, you become responsible for bills along the way. Sometimes, you may be required to pay back deposits for utilities, pay off credit cards, or continue to pay those bills you agreed to take on for a property you no longer own. It may require re-evaluating your financial situation to find ways to pay the bills you were splitting with your spouse before the divorce.

Legal Expenses

Depending on the chosen attorney, there are various legal expenses when filing for divorce. A seasoned divorce lawyer has the expertise to move the process quickly and ensure that each spouse is treated fairly. Divorce that takes more time in court is accompanied by additional legal expenses that fall on each spouse. Hire a divorce attorney whom you trust to act in your best interest.

Divorce can be emotionally exhausting and time-consuming and is made even worse by piling expenses. However, if the decision to file for a divorce is mutual, the spouses can split the legal costs and fees. If you are thinking about filing for a divorce, consult a seasoned divorce lawyer to ensure a smooth process.